So if you are unaware of a certain physical aliment called a kidney stone allow me a moment to help educate you in the process. There are several different types of kidney stones. Too much protein, some by too much calcium, forms some stones; some are related to a high amount of minerals. The only point to kidney stones that really matters is that they are without a doubt an extremely painful experience. So let us discuss first how an experience with kidney stones starts so that you too can recognize the early warning signs.

The first thing you will notice is a slight twinge in your back. It will feel like your lower back is out, as if you twisted it or lifted something wrong. It will not be a lingering pain but something that you will feel off and on throughout the day. As your day progresses the pain in your lower back will increase even though you have made special care not to do anything to further inflame your back. What will finally happen at some point in your day will be a sharp, constant, shooting pain up and down your entire back. You will want to double over but that only hurts more. You can try sitting down and you will think you have found a comfortable spot, but wait there’s more. After a moment of sitting and a subsiding of the pain, you will get a new wave that will force you to stand up once again. It is highly recommended that you do not try driving while experiencing this aliment, as this author did, as the pain is so bad it commonly causes vomiting.

Authors Side Bar - I am intimately acquainted with pain. I have a nerve disorder call Trigeminal Neuralgia (see www.tna-support.org for more information). It has a cute nickname, The Suicide Disease. It’s called that because almost 50% of the people that have it are misdiagnosed and because the pain is so excruciating they actually kill themselves. It is the largest bank of nerves in your face rubbing together like live electrical wires. Good times. The pain is off the charts, women who have given natural child birth say that this disorder is by far worse in the pain category. For me the spasms or so bad that it causes my muscles from head to toe to lock up and I typically black out. The point of this was to paint the pain picture and that I am not someone who cries over a stubbed toe. Back to the ball of fish hooks…..

If you seek out medical attention be aware that 90% of the time you will not be admitted so you may want to go to urgent care instead of the emergency room if you have a higher co-pay amount for emergency services, the care will be the same. What will happen is you will be given an IV so that you can be filled with fluids enabling you to urinate and pass the stone. A CAT scan is also a normal procedure so that they can verify the size of the stone and make sure it is safe for you to pass. You will probably be given a pain killer in your IV, or in the thigh as was my case as they could not get a line in. The drug they typically give for kidney stones is tardal. I like to call it re-tard-all, because I lose the ability to think, I know that is a terrible thing to say but I came up with it while drugged and now its stuck in my head. Eventually you will be sent home and told to drink and pee into a filter so that the stone can be analyzed for future prevention.

So back to the Wild Wild World of the Wookie and I have been filtering my urine since Friday. Let me tell you, after multiple runs through the filter and distilling it is rather tasty, it has a hint of lemon. I know that’s gross and I am kidding, there’s no need to filter urine as it is already sterile and safe to drink all though that is again nasty, don’t know why you would unless you were in a situation where you would get severely dehydrated but again I digress. So I have been collecting small turquoise / green stones since Saturday. I have emptied a small body of water of all liquid and passed it through by body. All in all I am in pretty good spirits but here are a couple of things that you can do to prevent kidney stones.

1.      Drink a LOAD of water everyday. If you drink lots of water stones have a very hard time latching onto the walls of your kidneys and forming. Try to drink 6 – 8 8oz cups of water a day.

2.      Drink some Nettle Leaf Tea. Yes this is a little homeopathic and touchy feely but all the Medical websites point to the benefit of drinking this tea. Steep the tea for 20 – 30 minutes then drink over ice. It’s better for you that way.

3.      Try to cut down on soft drinks. You want a pop pop pop pop pop skip the Shasta. Yes we all know it has a taste of pizzaz all that good taste that Shasta has. But that crap will give you a kidney stone. If you going to drink a soft drink, drink twice as much water as soda, this will wash it out of your system.

4.      Eat a balanced diet, not to much protein, not to much veggies, not a crap load of dairy. Try a balanced diet of fruits, grains, and vegetables and some meat like fish or chicken. Maybe a little fiber.

Well that’s all for now folks. This Wookie has a forest to go water and this will be my 465^th time peeing this weekend I think.

DON’T GET STONED! As the title states, it feels like a your pissing out a ball of fish hooks.

Love Ya.